I don't like it, being compromised like this. Sometimes I'll laugh too hard at something, or notice someone noticing me looking at nothing, and wonder if my cover's blown. When this first started happening, when our relationship was still young and exciting, I tried to give it a name. I thought that maybe imagining what was happening to me as some malicious, outside force driving nails into my skull would help me somehow. It didn't, because that's not what this is. It's not a demon, or darkness, or wrestling an 800 pound gorilla, or whatever metaphor is popular now. I can't describe it--I've never even come close--and I've been trying for two years. next